Reflection > Resolutions
Reflection > Resolutions
An Invitation to Ease into the New Year with Reflection and Nature as Your Guides
My Anti-Resolution Strategy
I decided to ditch New Year Resolutions several years ago around the same time I decided to finally stop striving to fit into society’s box that I clearly wasn’t ever going to fit into despite the fact that I spent several decades striving to trim myself down to just the right size so that I could fit nicely into that box. I even tried to dress the box up and add a bow to the top to hide the fact that I wasn’t ever going to fit. Spoiler alert…there is no box!! I digress.
At the time that I made this decision, I had been living a nomadic lifestyle for six months and the idea of New Year’s Day being any more special than December 11th or February 4th or any other random date of the year seemed funny and a bit absurd. That year, I had “started a new life” on June 11th, I think, or sometime around that date. So January 1st wasn’t anything special, and honestly, neither was any other date because every day was a new and fascinating adventure. As I reflected on this fact and on the various New Year’s Days of the past, I realized that even in years past when I had decided on some kind of resolution, which always failed a few weeks into January, what I did next was something worth exploring.
You see, each time a resolution failed, I would go through the typical self-loathing and self-flagellation asking myself over and over questions like ‘Why can’t I stick with anything?’ and ‘When are you ever going to grow up and be more consistent Stephanie?!” But then, I would reflect on why the resolution didn’t work and if it was truly a new habit or goal that I found valuable. If it was deemed a worthwhile endeavor after all, I would break it down into smaller steps and develop a strategy to start implementing those baby steps into my life and by my birthday, February 28th (I’m a size dark chocolate or exquisite aged parm or cheddar cheese by the way;-)), I was ready to recommit to the resolution! So I started telling myself that since March 1st was technically ‘My New Year’s Day’, I hadn’t actually been a failure after all. It’s all a matter of perspective! This was a turning point for me and eventually morphed into the seasonal strategic process I follow now.
Why resolutions don’t work
Making a New Year’s Resolution, in the traditional/conventional sense of the word, doesn't work as any gym owner will tell you. So many people buy a gym membership and the really dedicated ones actually start going to the gym every morning at a set time, but then something happens and they miss a day and then another and finally after only 2-3 weeks, they go less and less until they eventually quit going and cancel their gym membership. This way of approaching resolutions is like deciding on January first that this year you want to get your groceries from your own back yard, so every morning you get up, go out into your yard and dig around looking for vegetables with the belief that if you just keep going out there, one day, vegetables will appear. Nope. The vegetables won’t just appear, just like the pounds won’t magically come off, nor will the desire to keep going to the gym morning after morning continue and your new life won’t magically begin without proper preparation and intentional incremental changes.
First, we have to prepare the soil (Our Mind). Then we must decide what vegetables to plant (What’s your purpose for making this change? Why is it important to you?). Then we must create some kind of barrier to protect the garden from potential pests (Anticipate and Plan for inevitable distractions.) Finally, we get to plant the seeds and begin the process of tending our garden every day (Do the work, starting with baby steps and maintenance to prepare for harvest.) What steps would you add? I know that I left out several from this comparison, but you get the point.
Now I Follow Nature’s Rhythm
Where I live, winter is a season of rest, reflection, death, and decay. Even if you live in other parts of the world where there isn’t a ‘winter’ season, there’s still a cycle of birth, bloom, harvest, and death that all living things go through. Instead of putting all the pressure on one day, that I don’t take time to prepare for adequately, because it comes at the tail end of a festive season of harvest and celebration of life, I choose to approach change in a more cyclical way, inspired by nature. I spend the winter months winding down, cherishing quality time with family, reflecting on the prior year, and creating an informed strategy for the year ahead. This strategy isn’t a hard-set plan, it’s more an intentional awareness of what I don’t want versus what I want moving forward. It provides the structure in my life for miracles and creativity to flow into creation versus staying stuck in my heart and mind.
The 7 core areas of life I reflect on each winter:
My Inner World:
Spirit, Heart, Mind & Body
My Outer World:
Environment, Relationships & Service
The Reflection Process
First, I set up or find a cozy & inviting physical space. I set aside time for this in my calendar, either the first hour of my CEO days or on Saturday mornings at the end of December. Saturday mornings have been a time of reflection for me in general over the years and sometimes I just enjoy maintaining that ritual time and space. Then I grab a bottle of water and a cup of something that sounds a bit luxurious for me like coffee with frothed cream AND sugar or I’ll splurge and make myself a mocha. Then I like to gather my materials, usually the current notebook that I’m using for brainstorming, a good pen, and some water. I get cozy in my favorite chair and quiet my mind by doing a 5-10 minute breathwork and stillness practice and then I get to it.
I start the reflection process by asking myself how each of the 7 areas of my life feels and if something feels off, I ponder why? Then I go back through and score each area with 1-3 stars. Three stars represent an area of my life where I’m firmly living in alignment with my core values most of the year. (If you need help identifying your core values, grab this free guide.) Two stars represent an area that I would like to improve some aspect of and one star represents an area that is in urgent need of focus.
After looking at each rating, I make two lists. The first list is just a quick reordering of the life areas based on the number of stars that I gave them. The next list is ranked in order of the priority I would like to give each area of my life over the next year. The latter list is the one that I always go by (trust yourself), and the list based on the star ranking is just for the sake of awareness. The 3 areas of my life that I listed as top priorities will be my core 3 focus for the coming year. For example, last year my core three focus pillars were mindset, service, and heart (self-love) because I knew that deciding to go all in on my business was going to take some real inner work to support the outer work/service that I was being called to do.
Once I’ve narrowed down my core 3 focus areas, I dig a little deeper into what aspects of that area of my life I would like to change, evolve, or grow over the next 3 seasons. Finally, I take those bigger changes*, which typically get tossed around as resolutions on January 1st, and treat them like the big goals they are and I create a strategy for how I’ll realistically implement them into my life over the coming year. Next, I break each goal down into objectives and create action plans for how to achieve those objectives bit by bit. Some tools that have helped me implement in the past are habit stacking, identity shifting, accountability partners, coaches and mentors.
*I do want to warn, that I don’t try to force things into existence anymore. If I can’t clearly see the way forward yet, my strategy is to stay open and flexible and just hold the intention of wanting that area of my life to improve and trusting in Divine timing that things will improve.
An Anti-Resolution Invitation
This year, I’d like to invite you to join me and choose reflection, strategic planning, and intentional living through the natural cycles of life over another resolution that you’ll beat yourself up over not sticking to when February 1st rolls around.
If this is the year that you’re ready to make some big changes in multiple areas of your life, and you’re looking for someone to support you along the way, I would love to support you as we Dream Big, Plan for Adventure, and Enjoy the Ride of our lives TOGETHER! If you’re ready to live a NEO way of life, click here to start!